Saturday
I hardly slept last night. I can´t stop coughing and it hurts so bad! Early in the morning (or really late night?) I went to take some medicin and place my ass on the couch trying to get some sleep in a sitting position. When sleep finally came, I dreamt about grey hairs, ghosts and me and M fighting a lot... When I woke up, I was sooooo sad...
I don´t feel very well today, but we will try to go somewhere with the kids, take a long walk in the forest and maybe make ourselves a small campfire and have a nice time together. Right now, it feels like I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep for a week, but I know that when I am there, in the woods, I will feel so much better...! I need to kick myself in the butt...!
I feel different, but I still have severe moodswings. I can tell that I still have those "higs and lows"...
I must get dressed, comb my hair and get ready for the walk when M comes home, but it all feel like this huuuuge projekt that I can´t really handle. The thought of meeting people scares me, I don´t know why... I feel paranoid. It takes so much energy from me, and I could really use every tiny bit of it myself right now. I am starting to get a headache and I´m not really up for anything. Maybe, I will take the kids to Ilanda and buy some saturday candy while we are waiting for M... Maybe...´cause there´s people there... Fuck...
Oh, well... One tiny step at the time... Babysteps... First of all, I will brusch my teeth and comb my hair... The voices within me starts their argument; Do we really have to..? Yes we do! Go on! But what if we don´t...?
With love from//Sophia
