Sorry about that.
Sooo... What have I been up to? Trying to be a functioning human beeing. Did I fail? Yes....
I still have "highs and lows". I have big problems going outside and meeting people. I have had a lot of "highs", where I started to repaint our livingroom! I start to feel like it is a room where I am not so stressed out anymore... Mild colours with rugged finnish in everything. But, I have all this energy - I do things, and suddenly, I just fall apart... Again... My body hurts so bad.... Every muscle, every little part of my body aches...! I have lots of headaches and I just want to sleep all the time...
So, last week M brought me to the cinema to see a Swedish movie called "Flykten till framtiden". I got to sit all the way up and in the corner so I did´nt have to sit next to anyone but M. I really appreciated that! I did have some anxietyattacks, but I survived ;) The movie was.... Maybe not my kind of movie, but it did have it´s moments.
Saturday... We had booked tickets to The Phantom of the Opera a long time ago, but it took a lot of effort on my behalf to accually get on the bus and go. I had a lot of anxietyattacks on the bus, so K´s headphones was truly my lifeline! I closed my eyes and drifted away into the world of music. The attacks took a lot of energy, so I slept a lot. On the evening we went to a two course dinner ( fantastic food! ), I had promised my doctor not to drink anymore alcohol, but my god how much I wanted to get drunk when I had to sit with all these people from Konsum Värmland that had nothing of value to say or discuss and the anxietyattacks got worse and worse...! In the part 2 of the opera I started crying (I blamed it on my lenses) and when we finally arrived att the hotel and I got up in our room, I thought I was going to die! I cried, I could not breathe because of both the cold I have and the anxiety and my body ached - you would not imagine!! So, my angel M went to the drugstore at aprox midnight and bought me migrane medicine and nosespray and when the medicines kicked in, I "dropped dead" within minutes and slept all night.
The opera was amazing though. Normally, opera is not my favorite cup of tea, but The Phantom of the Opera is a "must see"! Especially with Peter Jöback.the Phantom of the Opera has been a huge favorite of mine since I was little. And now I have ordered the original novel - in english of course!
Yesterday we finally got to meet Andy. M got a tattoo from me and the kids in birthdaypresent. And I scheduled my own tattoo at the same day. I feel very comfortable with Andy, so being with him does not stress me out as much. But, after 3 ½ h my body reacted to the physical stress and all hell broke loose with fever and general cold, causing me to cough out my lungs... (Well, to be honest, I did allready have a cold, but it got worse again).
So, today, I have been doing nothing at all, except rest a lot. And now I will continue doing just that. :)
I know, it barely shows at this pic, but the walls are acually light grey now, instead of white :)
This is the tattoo Andy drew
M´s birthday present
My tattoo, still black and grey.
And when finnished.