neverletmego

Friday.

I still got a cold.

Finally I told my brothers and sisters about it and something positive came out of this.

I will start horsebackriding again out in the woods skattkärr-väse. I struggle with feelings of guilt of doing something just for me. 

My social anxiety is worse than ever. Yesterday I´ve got this anxietyattack, so bad that I thought that I was going to die! My heart felt like it was going to pound its way right out of my chest and run away, I could not breathe, my vision got all blurry and my body started to shake real bad...! But something is different... It´s like afterwards, my body shuts down. I somehow drift into myself and I just sit there, staring at something random... I really don´t like how it feels....

Today, I will make myself lots of coffee. Meditate. Try to clean up this place and try to stay away from doing those things that aren´t really necessary but I really love to do, like painting furniture and such.

I struggle a lot with my memory and speech right now. I forgot what I was talking about, right in the middle of a sentence, or I just get silent in a middle of a conversation, not knowing what the hell we were talking about. I change words, for example "Jag ska å hälsa på rektorn" instead of "Jag ska på läkarbesök". Or I have difficulties pronouncing the simplest words right. (Again, sorry for my bad grammar).

I will be a a housewife today. Or I will try to be. Now, some more coffee and start folding laundry. 

Maybe I will write something more later. When I get a little bit better, I will do my vlog too....

 

With love from// Sophia